Up and Down (By Jessica)

When I was thinking about what to write to update the blog today, I honestly don’t even know where to start.  There are so so many ups and downs with cancer that things change literally from day to day.  Last week was her one week off from chemo so we were all really hoping it would be a great week for her.  Unfortunately, from my perspective, it was one of her worst weeks so far !  Because she was feeling pretty good one Saturday she decided to do some house cleaning and when she was probably scrubbing the tub she hurt her ribs, and it caused her to be in unbearable pain for the days to follow.  She finally called the doctor who told her she had probably injured the bone because cancer is eating away at it and making it weak.  She hurts everywhere and it’s so awful to watch and be helpless !  Everything is taking its toll on her body and she still tries to be so positive.  If you ask her how she is doing or feeling she will say oh “pretty good “or “not to bad” or “I’m ok”….. I wish she would just let herself say “today is lousy and I feel like hell. “ Trying to fall into the routine that has been forced on her and still maintain any part of what normal used to be has got to be so overwhelming and emotional, yet she still shows up to work looking beautiful and tells everyone she is doing “ not too bad. “  She started her next round of chemo for the month last Tuesday and said she can tell that it is making her more tired than last time.  I am sure that dealing with pain isn’t helping her energy either and being so sick from the pain pills that she has thrown up all week then she doesn’t want to eat and it is all wearing her down.  Thank you so much for the person who gave her the “ days of chemo “ this week.  You have no idea how a thoughtful gift helps her mentally and emotionally. I know we say it over and over but our mom really is the most amazing person ever and we are so lucky to have her as a mother and role model.  My dad of course is still his silent supportive self who is quiet, but to his kids who know him, we realize that his heart is breaking watching his best friend and partner be tried and burdened with no options of ending it for her, no matter how much he wants to. Our parents are so incredible and awesome and we are so lucky to have a strong family!

  Keep letting her know that you haven’t forgotten her and thank you for everyone’s love.