Saying our Mom is incredible is such an understatement!! (By Jessica)

She started her first chemo treatment Tuesday and will have one a week for 3 weeks then a week off and again every week and will continue this for 3 months.  The things that Chemo does do your body is literally “indescribable” according to mom.  She said she really can’t describe how she feels, it makes you sick and changes your taste of and for things.  It makes you dizzy and the meds they give you to counter those side effects of course have their own side effects.  Pick your poison !   Besides the physical part of what her body is enduring, she has a mental and emotional battle to fight every day as well.  Just hearing stories and advice from people who truly mean well is so hard because then there is more anticipation and dread of what may or may not lie ahead.  Just dreading the things that she KNOWS will happen is hard enough.  I think that because cancer is so different for everyone that she is trying to not compare and internalize other peoples experiences to the point that it only adds to her own fears of the unknown and the what if’s.  Of course hearing all the positives and the things that give us hope is important but even with the best of intentions it is intense.  I feel like some of it is the fact that it is always there in your face and being forced on you to the point where if you let it, cancer could consume you.  Mom doesn’t want to become defined by it or feel like she is lost among it.    Trying to absorb and process so much so fast has got to be overwhelming.     She of course is unbelievably strong and amazing trying to still work and just be Mom.  Not wanting people to have to do things for her, but she doesn’t realize that it’s not about her it’s about us.  LOL……Everything we do is simply for our own sense of being able to do SOMETHING, ANYTHING in a situation where we feel so helpless.  We have no idea what the future holds and can only continue to count on miracles and Moms envious attitude and strength.  She is determined to keep living and do what we should all do anyhow, which is LIVE and love everyday !   Thank you so much for all of your support it is truly needed and appreciated in every way !